Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Actions speak louder than pants.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
