Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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