I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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