I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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