Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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