I'm sorry my penis didn't work
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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