I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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