He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
