It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
