just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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