drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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