Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
