Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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