I'm really into asian looking animals
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
