She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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