so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
