dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
