It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
