i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
