I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Where is the hickey?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize