You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
