I wish my penis had an off switch
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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