Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
