Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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