already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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