Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
