If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
