Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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