Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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