is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
