I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
3pm strippers are depressing
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
