$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
