six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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