I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
