So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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