I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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