So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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