You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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