My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
