kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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