I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
