I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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