Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
