he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
