and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You left your phone here
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