erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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