so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
