I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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