I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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