Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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