when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
