YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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