Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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