Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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