you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
