I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Define "chronic" masturbator.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
