I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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