I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
