never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
