you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
