I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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