I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had to cum in my sink.
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