walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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