we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
