Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
