I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
