When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
