I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
