His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
