Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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