You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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