feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
