dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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