I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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