there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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