I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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