Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.