I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just blew my weed a kiss
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i think im in europe. pls send help