Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills